I had a rough weekend.
It’s not staying home, or not seeing friends, or having to line up for basic necessities, or wait for days and days while deliveries miss their arrival date. It’s not my husband’s layoff, or the losses in my business. It’s definitely not all the goodness in the new Free Your Inner Guru community that’s gathering to rise above the wake of the #pandemic. It’s not the weather. It’s not feeling like when I go to see my mother or drop things off that I might be the one who gives it to her.
Maybe all those things would be enough to put me over the edge. But there’s something else that makes everything more challenging – my burning, swollen eyelids. No matter what I do or don’t do, they’re taking their sweet time to heal. It’s draining. Over the weekend I burned through what remained of my patience.
In other words, I lost it. I lost it after repeatedly falling between the cracks last week when I tried to speak to my doctor. I lost it after a second trip to the emergency room so someone could try to assess what is going on. I lost it after a phone conversation with a specialist who wasn’t interested in finding a root cause. I lost it because my words were not getting through.
At first I hesitated to share this because you might see losing it as weakness. But I kept getting “the nudge” to communicate what happened AFTER I lost it.
After my outburst, I got super quiet. I pulled out my journal and all my intuitive tools. I accepted that I’m on my own for this part of the journey. And I realized that in my overwhelm and exhaustion, I had slipped in my #selfcare.
This morning was time to recommit, stop doing what isn’t working and, go back to basics.
So here I am, burning eyelids and all, after 15 minutes of #meditation and 45 minutes of #yoga. In this moment, I understand there is always something I can choose to move forward.
It is Monday. I am motivated. And I feel a little better.